the edges of myself

words, words, words

There are so many pieces of my complex puzzle that are coming together at the moment. So many parts of my multi-faceted transformation process are bubbling up to the surface and begging for acknowledgement. I find it hard to know where this story begins.

For years I have danced around the same places– intellectually understanding things that energetically I was not able to fully inhabit. I have tried again and again to prioritize myself and somehow though I’ve continued to move forward, I have been unable to gain the traction to maintain my own momentum. It’s like I’ve been dipping my toes into a vast body of water, unable to fully submerge myself for fear of what lies beneath the surface. Only just now do I begin to understand that what lies in those watery depths is ME.

I’ve spent years honing my intuitive skills and trusting myself to help facilitate other people in their process of transformation. Yet I’ve continuously sold myself short on my own behalf. I have created structures and even a business centered around healing but have failed until very recently to access my own resources. I have slowly and steadily over the last eleven years built a thriving business, raised two phenomenal human beings, and managed to continue moving forward in my own healing process. Yet when it comes to acknowledging my own successes, I hit up against a massive brick wall. So where’s the love, Mandy Cregan?

It’s coming at me from all directions. If I take a moment and sit in mediation I can literally feel love surrounding and supporting me from all sides. I sit with love coming at me from all directions and I realize that all of it is a reflection. The love I receive from my children, my husband, my clients and my friends is a direct reflection of the love that shines so brightly and brilliantly from my own heart. I am surrounded by love because I give SO MUCH LOVE.

I think I FINALLY get this. On a cellular level.

I deserve love because I AM love.

Just like the rest of the perfectly imperfect human beings occupying this planet of ours.

WE ARE LOVE.

I cannot possibly expand without believing I am capable and deserving of expansion. Transformation is complicated. Healing can be messy. There’s no simple path and no one way to approach it. But at the center of it all is my need for MY love. And as hard and scary as it may be, I am no longer just dipping my toes in the water.

I’m plunging into the depths of ME head first. And though I may not LIKE everything I find. I will LOVE every single piece of it.

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make… -The Beatles

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