the edges of myself

words, words, words

So I’ve got no hair on my head, and it feels AMAZING!! My scalp is immensely thankful to me for paying attention to it for long enough to understand what it needed. (The lack of numbing stimuli played a large role in that process.) And I’m proud of the scared little girl inside of me who has thrown back the curtains and has absolutely no place to hide anymore. She’s really taking this whole thing in stride.

I went out into the world this morning hairless for the first time– and luckily I was going to my studio, where I was met with nothing but love. It was the perfect soft landing surrounded by my community. My next stop was Fred Meyer– where I ran into a dear friend of mine and her daughter. Again, they gave me immense love. Wrapped in the blanket of love from my studio community and my friends I approached the check out line and used that love as a shield for the weird stories my cashier was telling himself about me in his head. I wasn’t privy to the specifics of his stories– but I clearly made him uncomfortable. He avoided looking at me or making eye contact while he served me. Though I caught him looking at me suspiciously when he was waiting on the customer in front of me. I don’t know what to say about that except that it has nothing to do with me. My shaved head brought up something for him that he wasn’t comfortable looking at. I just happened to get caught in the crossfire.

So, how did I get from not watching t.v. to shaving my head? Simple. I stopped distracting myself. I began to pay attention to the clear signals that my body had been giving me for months that my ego hadn’t been ready to process. I stopped worrying about how I might be perceived and settled into the deep and abiding support that exists all around me. I shut off the distraction of other people’s stories and began to allow my own story to unfold. I’ve got 26 more days without television and I have no idea where this adventure is taking me. But I’m definitely no longer hiding.

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